"Breath control"

my Mistress,
Yet another remarkable 24 hours of having the pleasure and honor of being part of Your world.  We've covered so many topics in the past 24 hours, and as always, my mind is reeling and wanting to chat at length with You about a whole host of subjects, but again, i'll focus these post on specifically what i meditated about.  Conveniently, the subject matter is about a recent topic within the last 24 hours.

First, i recited Your Mantra without looking at it.  i changed the order of two words to improve the flow, but suffice to say that it (You) are becoming engrained in my mind, consciously and subconsciously.  After a couple of minutes of internalizing the words, i began to focus on the gnawing still inside from the disappointment inmyself for lettig You down last night.  Not that how i feel matters, but i just need to note that for the record, any physical joy from myorgasm is completely negated by You expressed disappointment.  Only someone like Yourself could understand, but You know what i'm talking about.  But again, it's not about how i feel about the situation, it's about You.

To that, i reflected on how and why things went amiss.  OBEY.  i just need to learn to OBEY You.  i know what the paul inside was trying to do - i was trying to help, trying to make it better for You.  As a slave, i should shut-the-fuck-up and OBEY.  i shared a little about this with Stacey and told her what had happened.  She just scowled at me, shook her head, and said "i like Her so much already!  i can't wait to meet Her."  She so knows the vanilla Dom in me, she enjoying watching this (Your) transformation of me!  Great, no You have a cheerleader too!

But seriously, i took this to heart and said "ok, what am i going to do to make me better?"  i closed my eyes, and breathed a deep breath in, and said OBEY.  i did it again.  OBEY.  Then i said to myself "Just beeath HER in...let Her fill You...OBEY" all in one breath, then slowly sighed.  i repeated this again, just practicinng not thinking.  Not thinking abouot what's better, what i can do, just OBEY You.  Time must have flown by - ducks!

So in keeping in that trust in You, we just need to keep talking.  i need to keep sharing with You every aspect of my life so You can use me to Your fullest advantage.  It'll just take time, buti have all the time in the world, Mistress - i've no plans of going anywhere...

Your slave doll paul